Your Team

Don’t worry, I’m back! This blog has been on hold while I travelled the world (Italy), landed myself a new job (yay) and discovered number three on the list of men I would like to have sex with (Mike Patton*).

I’m pleased to see that, despite my hiatus, this blog has received a number of visitors throughout August – mostly thanks to my previous post full of drug keyword spam. A special hello to Carlos, who was kind enough to leave a comment telling me he “needs to buy cheap Cialis Online because last week he bought tramadol but he spend a lot of money and in this moment he don’t have enough money”. Fuck the recession, eh?

I have just come back from ten days in Italy, where I learnt lots of really interesting and important stuff. Did you know the phrase “got the wrong end of the stick” originated in ancient Rome, when there were large communal toilets and, instead of toilet paper, people used sponges on sticks? As a joke, Romans would sometimes turn the stick up the wrong way so when their toilet buddy reached for his arse-wiping apparatus he’d get a nasty surprise. I wonder if it was also the origin of the phrase “beat the shit out of him”.

During my stay in Rome I met two delightful American girls who introduced me to an equally delightful game called ‘Your Team’. They have asked me to pass on the knowledge to you, dear reader, in the hope that you will gain as much entertainment out of it as we did, so here you go:

YOUR TEAM: When you spot someone crazy/ eccentric/ psychopathic etc., turn to your friend and say “Your Team”. The aim is to allocate crazy people to your friends’ teams before they have a chance to do it to you. When the psycho is talking to you or within hearing distance, it is also a subtle way of saying “oh my god, this person is a fucking psycho” without risking a punch in the face.

My team currently consists of three or four creepy homeless men, a crazy-eyed Italian woman who tried to convince me that I was a witch, a 16-year-old wannabe Casanova and an overweight gentleman wearing orange stubbies and a pumpkin for a hat. Thought: wouldn’t it be entertaining if you could actually turn them into a real team and get them together to play football? Yes it would.

Over the next few months I’ll attempt to update this blog as frequently as possible, however I’m starting a big new important grown-up’s job next week (fingers crossed there are no pumpkin hat wearers on my new team), so there may be another hiatus on the way.

Be good! And please feel free to send me any updates of your Your Team adventures.

P.S. Chelsea: Remember the man who tried to give you a pigeon on your way to work the other day? Your Team.

* Behind 1) Johnny Depp and 2) Robert Downey Junior.