Cost: £29.99 per month
Match touts itself as the UK’s largest dating website, with ‘more dates, more relationships and more marriages than any other’. You can browse members’ profiles and then either ‘wink’ at or email the potentials. If you’re both online at the same time there’s also a live chat feature.
The men: Frankly, a bit mundane. Match is designed to appeal to the masses so they have succeeded in attracting a lot of mainstream bores. You know the kind I mean: he thinks he’s fashionable because he wears a white shirt out clubbing and well travelled because he visits mum in Cornwall once a month. However, there are so many fish in the match pond you’re bound to find a marlin amongst the guppies.
Pros: Easy to navigate, plenty of men to browse through, no weird quirky features... oh god it’s so blah I can’t get inspired to write anything vaguely witty... a good site for internet dating beginners.
Cons: Cancelling your match subscription could be more painful than any of the mundane dates you go on. Match automatically debits your account each month if you don’t opt out, and to opt out you actually have to phone them and explain yourself. The conversation goes something like this (and I’ve personally experienced both versions):
Be Naughty In London – www.benaughtyinlondon.com
Disclaimer: I registered with this site purely for research purposes. Ehem.
Cost: Free!
Sick of all this ‘love’ crap and just want to get laid? Be Naughty In London offers casual online dating for naughty singles. Apparently, more than 7 million people have already joined, but I’m willing to bet at least 20% of those memberships are bad practical jokes. You sign up and register your ‘tastes’ – toys / same sex fun / groups etc – then, regardless of whether you have written anything in your profile or have a photo, you will be bombarded by messages from men with erect penises as their profile picture. Hoorah!
The men: Horny and apparently obsessed with literature. Of the seven unsolicited messages I received, five of them were from men asking how many books I read each year / whether I prefer fiction or non-fiction / what book I think should be made into a movie etc. There’s nothing in my very limited profile about reading, so I just don’t understand where all this culture bullshit came from... perhaps I’ve cracked some secret man code? Ladies: if a man ever approaches you in a bar and asks who your favourite author is, BEWARE.
Pros: It’s funny as hell! I suppose if you’re having a REALLY dry spell it might serve a purpose? Ew.
Cons: Aside from most members looking like (and probably being) serial killers? You’ll receive regular, very inappropriately titled emails alerting you to potential shags. Trust me, you’ll quickly learn not to check your personal emails in an open office...
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